. (deathby22) wrote in designflaw,

new! for the 2004 model year!

This post is dedicated to all the hardworking chimps designing vehicles over the past year. With the state of automotive ingenuity in a steady decline, I figured I could design a car and sell it to some moronic HR guy as well. Before I show my ingenious design, I would like to site a few inspirational automobiles.

First, there's the Pontiac Aztek (aka: Ass-tek). Pontiac, with it's long heritage of making some pretty damn cool cars took off into the deep end with this one. They slapped their namesake front end onto the rear of a cow and added a tent that hooks up to the hatch. Oh how ingenious! I mean, fuck, what soccer mom doesn't need to be able to rough it, while watching her little tike play some meaningless sporting event? GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM!

Next we have to equally stupid ideas. The first comes from Toyota. They took the shitty looks of the current generations of Honda Civic hatchbacks, added a trunk and topped it off with an Opel styled front end. The result? An underpowered piece of shit. Now, do I really need to get into the Ford Focus problem? Yes, I mean aside the fact that it's a fucking ford.

I originally looked at these cars as jokes. I was hoping it was just a big mistake. Maybe some marketing genius, in a heroine induced daze, stumbled into the cubicle of a drunken, crackheaded, design engineer and thought the car was pretty. You know, with all the swirling and loopiness inside his head, it looked kinda neat. As did the trash can and the stapler, but it had wheels. Sadly, these pieces were put into place and now the reside on our streets.

Now, the real kicked is Toyota's new car line. The Scion! Oh wow! It's a mini mini van! And it comes with LEDs and underglow and a set of neat looking "rally inspired" pedals! And mom's will love it for their kids because of it's kick as, under 2.0L, 4 cylinder, gerbil powered, engine! It's a win, win, win, retard, situation! So, finding my muse, I've designed my own car.

I call it the TOB. That stands for Turd On Dubs. Sure, it kind of looks like a football. But look at the rear door handles... suicide doors are the in thing now. Who cares about why they're called suicide doors and the fact that they stopped making them some time shortly after the 60's, for safety reasons. Retro is in! And those rimes... only in sizes 20 and up. If you add some blinky lights, maybe a JDM or "Bling Bling!" sticker, it's a sure sell. In two years, the roads will be littered with them and all the plastic crap that falls off! Who's with me?! Get in on the ground floor and we could make millions.

ps-please don't send too much fanmail. i know you're all thinking that i'm not only an automotive design genius, but an amazing master of MS Paint, but i really don't need the praise. i do it for the love of making people happy.

hey toyota! fuck you! bring back the god damned supra!
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